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Subject: Rules
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
From the male side. Please note: these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
- # 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big
girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You
don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
- # 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live
with it.
- # 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or
the changing of the tides. Let it be.
- # 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never
going to think of it that way.
- # 1. Crying is blackmail.
- # 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on
this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious
hints do not work! Just say it! We'll get it for you, but just LET US
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!!
- # 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
- # 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What
makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty,
would look good with your dress?
- # 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers
to almost every question. Please pick one.
- # 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want
help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends
are for.
- # 1. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is
a problem. See a doctor.
- # 1. Let us know about that funny noise in your
car engine as soon as you hear it.
- # 1. Anything we said six months ago is
inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after seven days.
- # 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us act like soap opera guys.
- # 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us. We refuse to answer, but still love you.
- # 1. If something we said can be interpreted two
ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- # 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you
have to say during commercials.
- # 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions,
and neither do we.
- # 1. The relationship is never going to be like it
was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit
whining to your girlfriends.
- # 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin
is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.
- # 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do
that.
- # 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care
about you.
- #1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just
not worth the hassle.
- # 1. If you ask a question you don't want an
answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
- # 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear is fine. Really, you look fine!!
- # 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours
to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
- # 1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape
- # 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I
have to sleep on the couch tonight but did you know we really don't mind
that, it's like camping.
Signed,
ALL MEN |